anecurst

sweatpants hair tight chillen with no makeup on

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 06:28:25 GMT

my homepage for the past cople of months has been photo.net and i haven't even been looking at the photographs on the site, just immediately clicking my GMAIL or FB bookmark. i don't even have a photo class this semester or next. film theory has taken up my whole life :( consciously upset about this decision. i just don't know how to fit photo in with film and working at urban and trying to have a social life. fuuckk. i just wish i did production. i'm taking digital moviemaking next semester so i should be less disgruntled.

i need a new canon. mine is dying :(

my photojournal must continue. i need to start up my archival tendencies again :)
it helps me.. decompress..

lol BLOGGING.

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 07:34:49 GMT

i got into the new school.

Manhattan here I come :)

late night. can't sleep.

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 07:25:26 GMT

this was my myspace profile for about two years and I took it off about a month ago.

What if the people you end up with aren't the one's you expected? So what? These are the people I love. Not just because they love me back, but because they're the most genuine people I'll ever meet in my life. They don't tell me what I want to hear. They tell me how it is. They tell me when I fuck up and they're the first ones out if you fuck with me. I have a tiny brown friend named kalei. Counterpart, even though I've only known her for a few months. Oh, and Mark the Coon is my boyfriend and he's perfect. this is my life. i couldn't possibly ask for more.

I love this. I wrote this in the midst of change, except nothing's changed since then really... Yet everything's always changing. I'm 18 & I've stipulated that anytime between 18-25 (sometimes 30) are the best/worst times in peoples' lives. Everyone's trying to figure themselves out. Figure out their career goals, life goals... everything. It's a lot of pressure. I'm just hanging on to who and what I know and blindly forging my path.. I guess that's it.

Pre-college everything I ever did in my whole life was meant to be put on a transcript and sent to the college of my choice. Last year it was Hampshire College. This year it's Eugene Lang.

Shit's nuts.

I had romanticized dreams of a tiny liberal arts education in New England. When I got it, it wasn't as satisfying as I had hoped. My heart just wasn't in it. However, Hampshire College is definitely not to blame. That school has changed my life forever -- more than I know I'm sure.

New York City here I come.

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:14:55 GMT

so it seems

that i am always mid existential crisis.

my livejournal is dying

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 19:47:52 GMT

what an uneventful year for my LJ.

JAN
Winter break, where did you go?
FEB
It's so cold out! Yet, snow is nowhere to be found.
MARCH
i got into Hampshire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
APRIL
Have you ever felt so irrational, you sought out that one person you know would put you back in your place?
MAY

JUNE
I can't believe summer's here again.
JULY
smoking cigarettes has done detrimental things to my health.
AUG
everybody wants one thing:
LOVE.
September
i've been at college for 2 weeks

TG came to visit me the first weekend.
OCT
it's cold in Massachusetts.

I bought pants.

... it happens.

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 06:16:01 GMT

yo.

check it out.

It was just easier to do it this way... so i think i might keep uploading it onto flickr.

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 20:00:11 GMT

it's cold in Massachusetts.

I bought pants.

for the first time in 3 years

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 03:30:38 GMT

i've been at college for 2 weeks

TG came to visit me the first weekend.

mark came for just the night on Tuesday.

I'm going home for just Friday.

... soooooooooooo what can i say. Home is where the heart is, but Hampshire ain't called CAMP HAMP for NOTHING!!! loving every single thing about it. If only there was a Coons in closer proximity.

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 00:11:43 GMT

everybody wants one thing:

LOVE.

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 18:29:31 GMT

NYLON TV + MYSPACE: PARIS

Add to My Profile | More Videos
mmm. ... i long to go to Paris. Perhaps Sophmore year First Semester i'll study abroad :) Oui, oui! Afterall I can't let five years of French go to waste!

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 05:08:26 GMT

this is what next year looks like for me.

"This is what Hampshire kids do in their spare time."

organized pillow fights anyone?

we'll spend some time forever.

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 06:29:34 GMT

Loneliness. A plague upon the human heart. I'm finally ok with everything in my life. Now I just need to find some sort of purpose. Find a place in the world because I've finally settled the turmoil within. My adolescent period of constant meta-cognition. Why I do the things I do. Why others. Why shit is the way it is. I never feel alone. I find myself isolating myself though.

I want to improve myself. My lifestyle, I suppose. Or perhaps I'm trying to grow up too fast and just need to party some more. ......

weeeee'll see.

Mark left today for Portugal. I handled it quite well. However, speculations can always be made. Hm. No more WAHS. It is what it is.

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 22:38:04 GMT

woohooo. first post from my pretty new macbook ! :]]

its black. and unnamed. i got a new ipod too. word up.

smoking cigarettes has done detrimental things to my health. i can barely run around my block. its ridiculous

chyeeeeeeeah

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 05:10:21 GMT

I'm home and have just successfully finished reading... the 6th Gossip Girl? I don't know. Bad habits die hard. It's such a guilty pleasure of mine. Teeehee. Love it. ( It's such a contrast from the past three days of stumbling home at 5 in the morning.)Things are always better in books, in movies, in television. The tiny insignificant gestures are accentuated even though in real life they are more often over looked. It's perfect.

I'm so scared of losing what I've worked so hard to gain. I finally have it. Everything I've wanted. I'm so scared of losing it all. In about a week Mark will be back from Arizona. I've been Coon-less for the past three days. His cell phone doesn't even have service! Camping in the woods doesn't get more hardcore then that. It's ok because I've left him both sober and not so sober voice-mails to listen to in the airport on his way back. ;P Mmmm.. then Saturday is Jawad's birthday and in a week he'll be leaving for Syria until August. Mark leaves the following week with Nagy for Portugal and he too comes back in August.

Remember Asuka?

He's coming back in August and then when Mark and Jawad come home I'll be in Texas and then off to Massachusetts!!!

Isn't that just grand? hey there dddeeeeeelilah don't you worry about the distance ....

We'll see how stuff turns out.

i finally killed my camera. but its ok. i got a new one.
PROM.

prom weekend.

How i'm going to spend the majority of my summer without the two people i love most is beyond me.

It's just so funny how different everything is. How different my life is from my friends. I want to stay in Jersey and savor it for what it has because I know I'll be homesick for everything it's about and everyone else is going away and embracing summer because in September they'll have all year and I won't. It sucks.

Summer will go quick but not painless.

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey 07. being graduated never felt so good.

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 00:48:13 GMT

It's so hard to blog when I'm never home these days. Maybe one day I'll catch up with my pictures especially because my camera broke :(. Finally. Lols. Hopefully I can fix it or something but as of now, I'm cameraless and ipodless. Which sucks, but hey. I'll deal.

I can't believe summer's here again. I think about my life exactly one year from now. It was completely different. SO different. It's ridiculous how people change, people move on, people just .. live. In about 3 more months my world will once again be jumbled in such a dramatic way. College is going to rock my world and I'm so excited but I'm so scared because right now, what i have, is perfect. Youth is so fleeting sometimes, it's depressing and exhilirating.

I got a dog about 2 days ago. His name is Spencer and he's going to keep my mommy happy while i'm off at college. He's a tiny baby Maltese.

FOUR MORE DAYS OF PRISON AND I'M OUT

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 15:23:13 GMT

i got into Hampshire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
& St. Joeseph's
& Loyola
& Rutgers
~~... waiting on Northeastern but I don't really care.~~
Waitlisted to Northeastern.

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 02:54:43 GMT

I'm a fucked up girl.

I've felt emotions that no one deserves to feel. I've gone through situations that although they are cliche to the max, doesn't lessen the intensity.
It doesn't mean I'm not still insecure as fuck about my relationships.It's not fair, but it's my life. & as stupid as it sounds, I don't regret being like this.Because I needed to feel it. I needed to experience that. To get to where I am today.

I love my life so much. I know that it couldn't be better. I have friends who mean the world to me. I have friends who I know will do anything in the world for me. And I could NOT imagine my life without them. I have friends who have given me the love that my parents were unable to give me. "Because no one's loved enough in their childhood." I have friends that anchor me. Friends that I love SO much I refuse to be more than driving distance away from them.

I have a boyfriend that I've unintentionally put through so much bullshit. I never mean it. I never mean to. I subconsciously test him. I set him up for failure so I can pretend he's less than wonderful. Less than perfect. But he truly is. Because everytime I get neurotic to the point where I want to throw up in disgust with myself, all he does is love me. Even though in my heart, I know he'll never hurt me, but I'll never win back that sense of security that I once felt. Because when I thought I loved someone, they didn't love me. And that sense of security was false. A farce. And It's not Mark's fault, and I know it. And he knows it. But I just can't shake it.

I'm just fucked up. Tattered remains of a hopeless romantic.
& I hate myself for it.

winter serenity.

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 19:26:47 GMT

It's so cold out! Yet, snow is nowhere to be found. GAY. Hm. My parents suck for not filing FASFA, but then rule for never being home when I come home in the morning. This week wend by pretty fast because of exams and what not. Mike and I took off on Tuesday and had a very fabulous day. We even accomplished our Jesus fullfillment ! Not much other than that. School's a big waste of time. Especially AP English. We're writing a book. A book. Yes I completely see how this is going to prepare us for the AP exam. Whatever. I got so fed up with the class I walked out for 10 minutes and sought sanctuary in Mr. Fio's. The class always ends up being a ridiculous raucous of strong willed people. Resulting in absolutely nothing.

We went to school late on Thursday.

*AHEM* E Laroo is a panda. He is not my panda, but Mark's panda. We might have to take this to court.

Some quality grafitti.

Tapeworm! Or the middle finger from China...

Hey Old Man

Panda's are serious about schoolwork.

Fox & Mark testing the ice.

Nicky D is freezing :(. Poor boo.

Doust Panda hath no fear?!

Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur!! (rolled r's)

Panda in a tree!

Foxxxx

... in the middle of the woods, panda's come prepared with oranges

Mark and Foxx decide to cross the entire lake.

How cute are they?!

Everyone wants to be a Coon.

Jackie's water has fish in it.

Ricky Fletch makes my gym period fun-filled.

Gotta love me some Ricky Fletch.

... Laird's. Sunne sleeps.

Booboo driving in back of Mark.

Last night, I went to Van Gogh's with Rach and Jess.

and I left my Boo boo on the couch lookin like this! lols. This is what 7AM does to Jawiddle.

Tuesday

Ryan Weller and Zach.

Someone loves llamas just as much as I do.

CYO bring a friend night

I brough 3! I'm mad pro.

Fernandaaaaa

Wednesday.
Fernanda and Mike are also in my gym.

Juan time.

It's freezing out. But I'm loving it. Whenever it snows, my heart just gets happy and the world seems to quiet down. And everything's perfect. Even if it's only for a second.

it makes normal life interesting

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 04:39:03 GMT

So I'm fucking retarded. Seriously. Maybe this is just how I get when I have a boyfriend, but sometimes I just miss Mark so much. I never feel like I see him enough. I just want to O.D. on this kid. I'm a COON HEAD! It's ridiculous. Anyhow, Today was the last day of exams.. EVER!! WEE!! I hung out with Zach today, then whe I got home I got really depressed so I passed out. Mike called me to come over at 8ish so we chilled. My mom was being ridiculous, so I kind of just left my house. Whatever. No school tomorrow because I'm exempt! Basically, That's it.

So today in lunch..
Fox was camera shy.

Megan

Kerry

Jaxx

E-Laroo!

Word. I rocked my glasses today. I got good reviews. Little bit self consious, but I reassured myself with "It's ok. They're Fendi." Lols.

i love my panda.

So I had nothing to do 7th. so I went to Fio's.
Jawad tried to look smart.

Mark continued watching the Simpsons.

Exam schedule is so easy. I hate it and love it.

lols. we were messing with mark.

At Mike's house

I know I say it all the time. But I really do love these guys. They're the best people I know. Bar none.

Frisk!

Chillen on my things. Lols. I want a cat!! Damnit.

Some pictures from yesterday. I woke up at 2PM. Got in a fight with my dad, So I just left and took pictures. I found this crazy place though..Then Mark met up with me for like 5 seconds. I'm so disgruntled and needy. And I acknowledge I'm like this too. It's horrible! I think I just need something to do. Someone hire me!

It snowed last night!

Ew. Pollution.

Wholesome house.

These are from the Bouncing Souls Concert on December 28th. Lost in my photobucket for a really long time. But thanks for uploading them Juaaaaaaaaaan!! I didn't have my camera cause my mom went to Belgium.
Juan baby

Mark and Me looking retarded.

.. I seriously never noticed when he had braces.

I really like how this one came out..

P.S Happy birthday Jen Senizyn! For some reason, I will always remember her birthday. Probably because we grew up together.

out with the old. in with the new.

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 13:51:35 GMT

Winter break, where did you go?

Thursday.
This is rachel's dog. He back's into rooms. and its hilarious.

Rachel's bday!!!! (dec 21)

Friday morning.

AP photo. what's up.

Mr. Erdman is sick on the harmonica.

Joe Bowers does a holiday dance.

Photo 2 "disco party"

Mrs. G. We share a very love/hate relationship.

Sanctuary!

This is my enlarger.

Pretty eh?

Fabreeeeeeeeeezio!

ey Laroo!

Went to Nick Hand's house. That about it of what I remember. Keri!

Bill and Laroooo.

Boooo.

Oh Bill why are you so angry?

Haha. yeah we match. faggots!

Bill passed outtttttttt.

note the decorated 40 in the back. I don't remember doing that, but apparently it was good.

Just your size.

Walmart has dead fishies. It's so sick.

Someone alert PETA!

We pretended it was Bill's birthday at Applebees. it was pretty hilarious

Saturday Dec 23 Mallin with these kiddddddddds.

Bananaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Laroo contemplates life.

Frank on bongos. What u know bout that?

I looooooooove this kid.

I spent Christmas Eve with Chris Bernot at a Giant's Game! wooo hooo. yeah i'm a HUGE fan. haha nah. it was just an experience I guess. There were SO MANY PEOPLE. Pretty ridiculous.

We were right next to the Saints fans.

And since the Giant's were getting their ass beat. this guy was gettin so tense.

LMAO.

And everyone clears out by the 3rd quarter.

Passed out until Laroo, Nagy, and Jawiddle came over and we wrapped presents.

Boo boooo.. He spends Christmas Eve with me at White Castle because no other place is open. WTFF. Poor Jews.

Nagalish

Lawoo!

Gangsturrr.

Tressel time.

Dance break time.

Then we went to Mark's house and chillaxed.

Nagy tries to be the Coon.

Christmas with the Robbin's

& Juan was there too!

My second home.

.. these are the last of the Christmas break pictures. My mom took the Camera on her Eurotrip.

Other notable events: Bouncing Souls concert. Then skippin school on monday with everyone and watching Requim For a Dream. Mike almsot beating up the pizza delivery dude.
oh and I guess here's a couple pictures that just explains my New Years.

I started the New Year's off with these kids.

as the night progressed into...

(pictures stolen from Jawad.)

So all and all break was fantabulous. Best Birthday ever. Best Christmas. and DEFINITELY BEST New Year's. 2006 was pretty rough. Lots of high's LOTS of lows. but I came out of it with TG and a Coon so life couldn't be better.

tear a hole in the sky and everything is gunna burn

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 07:04:53 GMT

First sentence from the first post of each month this past year blah blah blah cool.

January
"I've just experienced an epiphany. A stunning revelation that you can't force someone to want to be your friend. You can't. "

February
"I'm so fucking depressed right now."

March
"I'm obsessed with the Stars. "

April
"I lost my camera. I'm devastated. "

May
"Life is ridiculously excellent right now. Bamboozle was a blast. "

June
"AH! I'm completely tripping.Tomorrow's my last day as a junior!! I'm PRACTICALLY a SENIOR! "

July
"So sometime during the end of March I really wanted to go to the beach. "

August
"I feel as if my life has fallen into a decadent state of of being. "

September
"As this summer winds to an end the partying has seemed to increased tenfold."

October
"The cloud that has been hovering slightly above my head for the past month or so has finally descended."

November
"I don't know what's really going on these days."

December
"Seeing as I am bored but not unpleasantly so, I'm going to post pictures from last week as well as this weekend's festivities."

BIRTHDAY EXTRAVAGANZA!

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 06:16:05 GMT

My birthday was perfect. I wouldn't have asked for anything more (except a few people were MISSINGGGGGGGGGG). TG took the day off and went to the beach. I've wanted to do this for my birthday since I was about 5 years old. and I finally got it. and it was GLORIOUS. I will now proceed to the pictures...

Hey Rob. Nice Jacket.

Santa Coon. ... What you got in that sack? Teheeeeee..

<3

The weather ended up being completely amazing. We're talking 70s people.

Gotta love my stoges.

Compliments of Robert.

I love this kid so much.

I'm finally 1777777777!! WOOOOHOO!!

Check out dem moon boots.

Burger Kinnnng.

Haha nice face mike.

Jeez I look so fucked up in all of these pictures.

Back to Robs!

We busted Frank out of school. at 1PM

Rance is glowing for some reason...

AW. I love this pic. I'd love it even more if i didn't look like an asshole, but Coons makes up for it.

Hahaha yeah. Rob's in a bucket.

Team work!

So when you knock out... you WILL get messed with.

introducing.. meleeeeeeeesha!

Rach stopped buy to drop off my presents!!! <33

My mom is worse paparazzi than I am. I swear. These are all her from here on.

I love these people.

Rob got skills?

So yeah. this is the MOM STOP TAKING PICTURES picture.

it was Megan's bday tooooo!!

Check out Coon's gift. It's gorgeousssssssss.

Zach got me a poppet.

hahh. get ittt..

I was so beat by this time.

wooo hoooo!! Meg turns 18!

<3 best bud.

and of course. my baby. Hey tressel.

This kid is the greatest sometimes.

yuuuum. chirstmas lights.

Thanks Mark!

So what have I realized now that I'm a whole year older? What have I gained in the past year? Hm.. I like that my birthday is so late, only because I get to start fresh with a new year, but being young kind of sucks. I get my license in February. Best Birthday ever.

This year the most monumental things happened to me. I fell in love. I got my heart-broken. I lost who I was. A special group of people helped me rediscover who exactly that was. TG saved me. Pretty Much. What happened then? Around October I started hanging out with this cool kid named Mark. Basically, he restored my faith in the male race. Basically, he's the best boyfriend I've ever had. What next. What now? Who knows.

a glimpse of true love

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 03:23:29 GMT

Thanksgiving was quite eventful this year. I generally don't even like the holiday but it always proves itself to be a good one. Perhaps because I'm always expecting it to be bad. One of those things. Anyhow, my family had Thanksgiving lunch because my mother had to work in the afternoon. In the morning we picked up some movies and we didn't end up having to pay for them because I knew the guy who worked the register. we did sign up for the online Blockbuster service, so that should be pretty sweet.

Zachary came over around 3 or so unexpectedly. He made quite the entrance mind you. One of those comical slip and falls that only the Marx brothers could really perfect. It was raining and my kitchen is tiled and all you hear is this big BANG! and then there's a little raucous in the living room and then I hear his voice so I came downstairs. Lols. That kid. I went to his house to witness the festivities. Mama bird was drunk as well as half the Robbins so it was really entertaining. He brought me back home around 7ish. I begged my Tita to stay and watch Failure to Launch with me so she did. And I fell asleep. Lol. I wake up and Zach and I caught the last show of Casino Royale playing at Roselle Park. It was RIDICULOUSLY AMAZING. I highly recommend everyone to go see it. It's definitely worth your money. I'm so glad it came out too because movies these days really blow.

The fams.

My sister could barely drag herself out of bed for reasons unknown to me.

I love that this cake has a turkey on it.

My second family.

Mama and Papa Bird

This is Zach getting his ass beat.

OWNED.

Mama Bird's the cutest and hands out little sayings and makes them read poems and such.

Danielle

"Look at this!"

if you don't smile. You will get chucked.

Matt came home for Thanksgiving! (Kid with dreads.) He goes to school in Colorodo.

This is Mama's expressions while she watches some beastiality on Cousin Dan's phone

Body slammed onto the couche. Booyah

Papa bird playing Catch Phrase.

My dad pretending to be Vietnamese.

Zach, Mama, Aunt.

So post movie, we go to Pathmark because I have to pick up Pancake batter because I told Mama bird I'd make her Pancakes to help with the hangover the next morning. So this is what became of the midnight errand.

WEEEE!!

Vahid works there!!! Fareed's brother.

Welcome to Zach's car.

And apparently, it's not uncommon these days to just wait for hours until Best Buy opens. The line for Black Friday

So you know the ideal phone call that everyone who's wallowing dreams for? The words that I was dying to hear for the past 4 months of my life. The exact same things I felt but refused to sacrifice my dignity (when I was sober at least) in order to patch things up. Well it finally came. 3AM. John Hart calls me, not sober however, and we finally talk. I cried. I'm not going to lie, although I'm pretty over it, a part of me still needed to hear those things. I needed to hear that I meant something to him. And it was nice. I'll always care about him and maybe we have a shot at a friendship now. Who knows. I feel like he's my Mr. Big. Mark is my Aiden. I wouldn't give that up for the world. He's way to good to me for me to fuck up big time. I was mentally prepared so the whole thing wasn't too earth shattering. It just sucks really bad because it always makes me go to sleep wondering those "what if" questions. What if thing's worked out? What if I'll never love like that again? What if What if What if. When the reality of it is things didn't work out. It's black and white and I can't spend my life wondering why. C`est la vie. Carpe Diem. Because I've exhausted the John Hart scenario. I've played it at least a thousand times over in my head and I need to just let that sit for a while.

Nicotine Dream Team

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 02:16:54 GMT

I'm currently in the process of writing my Rutgers essay. Ah. I have blurts of inspiration but I figure that in between I might as well post the plethora of pictures I've accumulated in the past week. Unfortunately the world is not filled with fluffy blue rabbits and bitches feel the need to steal my camera. However my original camera has been recovered, but my mother is nevertheless disappointed. My parents never yell at me when I screw up. It makes me feel like a bigger shit head. Our relationship has drastically improved in the past week. I appreciate them.

i miss how good the color came out on the 7.1 elph.
Last Wednesday.

Laroo didn't quite clear the pole....

Nagy did though

Mark.

Mark is probably the best boyfriend I've ever had. Or ever will have. I just quoted directly from Christine Frank's opening for Mike Dennis but I think she described it perfectly. He respects me. He's nice to me. He's considerate. We have a healthy relationship. It's one of those more friend than boyfriend things I think. He isn't jealous of my friends. He trusts me. We're able to harmoniously coincide while maintaining our independence. I think that's what I love most about it. I'm happy with everything.

all i know is that i don't know nothing

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 03:49:23 GMT

i am i am i am i am.
i can be
but i won't be
i should be
can rarely be
wants to be

i like i like i like i like
my life
my loves
my shoes
my green bow.

i'm imature. i'm petty. i'm disgusting
i'm disappointing. i'm a perpetual
gyroscope of parodoxial meanings.
and i'm hoping to find the calmness
the tranquility.
of
being
something
more than what
i am.